Grey streaks smeared under sunken eyes

Contrast a porcelain face

With freckles spattered like shit

Long brown hair

Matted and mousy

Nails gnawed to the cuticle

I look in the mirror

And I don’t recognize her

I don’t recognize most people now

Names and faces flash across a silver screen

I’m sure I know them

I’m sure I must have known them

But their identities are lost on me now

And the show goes dark.

Insecurities writhing like maggots

Expectations pulling like magnets.

She is a marionette

And I threw her to the floor

Without caring to fix her

She is a dead car battery

She can’t get to work

To make the money

To fix herself

And even if she could start

She’d still have a broken axle and a flat tire

She’s not going anywhere.

I wish I could do something.

But it’s beyond me now.

I wish I could stick around.

But I’m disappearing now.

Condensing like melted frost.

And evaporating.

There is no me.

Only she.

the girl with the mousy hair